Green Fire

Written September 22, 2006 near a small forest in Pennsylvania:

Sometimes when I go out, standing at the edge of the forest, I feel it. There's a warmth that wells in my chest, just below my sternum.. It's a warmth, the warmth, I think we spend our lives searching for but come upon only rarely. I think it's the warming of completeness, the warmth of entirety.

I feel it when I am truly happy. And when I am sad, my chest feels like an empty cupboard and I seek to fill it with food.

Sitting at the edge of the forest, surrounded by the all-encompassing hug of crickets, cardinals singly chirping, at the same time it is both within me as I am in it. It silently accepts me, and if I get quiet enough, sometimes I can hear it marvelling back at me. Our souls lying together in perfect unity on the forest floor.

Many times, though, this energy is dead set on spreading itself from me; it radiates and reverberates in others. It is an offering, complete in all its intricate, innocent beauty.

It is so disconcerting the many times I've set out searching for it, only to feel as if I am running after my own shadow. Sometimes I run so fast I fall and as I'm picking myself up I remember to be patient, stand still, and let it come out of its hiding place.

And it does. It winks at me if I pay enough attention.
"I'm still here," it beckons.

Sometimes it hides in the eyes of others, looking out at me. These days I am happy, we are complete.

I try to live my life with an absolute intention to one day come to see the peace beneath the war we so often delude and lose ourselves in, the busyness we put ourselves through, trying to ignore what we cannot avoid.

I long for the day when we can be open enough as a people to see it in ourselves, to accept it and embrace it. Sometimes when I go out, I can feel the promise.

If not now, when?

anti-environmentalism

just reading up on what capitalist magazine has to say about environmentalism... ("if environmentalism succeeds, it will make human life impossible")

i just wanted to share this cartoon with you. it's from an article on the falsities in al gore's movie (http://capmag.com/article.asp?ID=4806).

but the cartoon. seriously, is it bad to love the earth? i mean, yeah, we've (people) created religions in the past to worship it, but historically Capitalists and Christians have abolished them (i.e. "civilized the heathens"). see paganism or, well, most indigenous religions. i guess we (civilized americans) wouldn't know what worshipping the earth looks like, because that's only for heathens, and you can't be a heathen with a hummer...can you?

i just think it's sad that it's come down to this...making fun of people for praising the beauty of nature.



more:
"The expressed goal of environmentalism is to prevent man from changing his environment, from intruding on nature. That is why environmentalism is fundamentally anti-man. Intrusion is necessary for human survival. Only by intrusion can man avoid pestilence and famine. Only by intrusion can man control his life and project long-range goals. Intrusion improves the environment, if by "environment" one means the surroundings of man--the external material conditions of human life. Intrusion is a requirement of human nature. But in the environmentalists' paean to "Nature," human nature is omitted. For environmentalism, the "natural" world is a world without man. Man has no legitimate needs, but trees, ponds, and bacteria somehow do." (from: http://capmag.com/article.asp?ID=4643)

i'd beg to differ and say that environmentalism is fundamentally ecological. we, men, need to realize that we are part of a system, and if we disrupt that system, we'll end up disrupting our human nature in some way or another (acid rain, drought, the dust bowl of the 30s, soil nutrient depletion, etc, etc. we know the drill). i think that's pretty fundamental.

eco-terrorist or "moderate environmentalist"?

"We must live what we know."

we just got back from driving my sister to woodfield for her bus back to champaign. woodfield is a giant mall in northeast illinois. pretty much the whole time we were driving i was almost throwing up. i really hate the suburbs. i think that's maybe why i've been kinda manic depressive lately (sometimes really really hyper for no reason, other times depressed, quiet, withdrawn)...the city fucks me up. suburbs are worse. i was being really obnoxious in the car. i really don't know how to express that feeling in any other way than that. i was like that in florida a lot too, just acting like a 4 year old, and not in a good way. i think that's what happens when i feel oppressed, trapped - it comes out that way when people won't let me say my words.

the day before my birthday we (the family and i) went out for dinner in a neighboring town (crystal lake) (really surburban, lots of strip malls...like miles of them.) at a pretty good restaurant, well, it's been good in the past. and as we were leaving to go pick out my bday present (i wanted to go to a sporting good store and buy some good stuff, like a stuff sack for my sleeping bag or some other applicable stuff (like warm socks)) i was saying something about how i wanted to just deface hummers or fuck them up or something. i think my dad said something about being an eco-terrorist. i said "i'd rather be an eco-terrorist than a moderate environmentalist." that's what i'm coming to realize. if we want to have a real effect on this shit called global warming, we need to stop driving. stop living in this global warming trap that's been set up for us (and if that means being an eco-terrorist, then i'm gonna start doing that...well, maybe not destruction of property, but ...well, something.). anyway, we get to the sporting store and all four of us walk in and i'm standing at the entrance thinking, fuck i don't want to be part of this. the store is gigantic, packed with overpriced things you need to go outside, heaven forbid you don't have a supersilk thermalite(TM) north face piece of shit to make sure you don't freeze to death outside. i didn't let them buy me anything, even though my dad was pretty adamant about doing so. i told him i was sorry.

driving around the suburbs in 60degree weather of november i had my window down and i felt like an alien. being rejected from this society, and rejecting it. i was physically affected, antsy, rollercoaster emotions. i'm not really sure how i should feel. i do know that it's sad that kids born into this don't know anything else. i want to get a machine and dig up a part of the parking lots and scream THERE'S SOIL UNDER THESE THINGS. let's not keep ourselves from the earth! people walk from their houses on their driveways to their cars, drive to work, walk through the parking lot to their skyrise and never step on grass. grass is ornamental; it's not real. we drove past a park on the way to woodfield, nature is fenced in there. there's a really strong dichotomy between city/humanity and wild/nature. it's sick.

many times i think this is one of the most radicalizing experiences i've had. i do not want to be an on the fence environmenalist. i don't want to be environmentalist because it's smart, or because being opposite is dumb. i want to do it because it's right, and i want this to encompass my life. it's not just that i run a campaign on stopping global warming, it's that i live my life to stop global warming. it's not a mask i can put on and take off. it scares me that (i interpret) most of the people i'm working with can do that. for me environmentalism is a lifestyle, not a tactic.

Global Warning

First, if you are unsure about the science of global warming, please do yourself a favor and learn about it. Don't just learn about some abstract 'issue,' learn how you are part of it, learn how you fit into the bigger picture - learn how we are interconnected. Please, if you have any questions and would rather ask a human than attempt to surf this vast ocean of information, do not hesitate to ask me (arisahagun at gmail dot com)! If I can't answer your questions, I might be able to provide you with the resources to help you. Then, read on.

An article by BCC at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6126242.stm suggests that global warming is more than a future threat to some African countries. Furthermore, since most of the efforts of industrialized nations have focused on lessening greenhouse gas emissions, there has been little worked on internationally as far as researching "adaptations," let alone how to apply those.

Greenpeace V: part 2 - the International Day of Action

yesterday i had a moment to feel that all the shit of the past two weeks has been worth it. so i guess i haven't mentioned it up to this point but a lot of what we've been working toward culminated yesterday, the international day of action on climate change. 20,000 people marched in london, a greenpeacer got arrested for climing a power plant tower, we had 400 people on the beach create an "aerial art image." with the help of an artist, a helicoper, hundereds of volunteer hours, about 40 organizers, and many many community members, we spread across the beach to create an outline of Flordia and text that said "save our state." next, we morphed into a drowning person holding an umbrella with the text "stop global warming" it's an awesome picture. sitting next to connie and michelle (two fellow got'ers), a girl playing an african drum, and two volunteers from broward community college, i realized that it's all been worth it. i'm sitting in a giant 'E'. the helicopter's coming across the horizon, the tide was rising. i'd volunteered to get wet. they told us (we were telling volunteers) ankle-deep water -- then we realized that we'd be laying in it. but it didn't matter, i'm part of the E. daryl, the BCC volunteer turns to me after a wave and asks how he can keep things up after we leave florida. that's awesome. we've inspired another to join our cause. awe-inspring. the pictures are worth well over 1,000 words.

the day itself was really crazy too. i got to the beach around 8:30am and it was cloudy with winds around 30mph and tall waves. "no way will we get more than 250 people out here." we're thinking. just standing on the beach we were getting sandblasted. most of us got windburn. the sun came out twice before we were done with the day - once during the first picture and again for the second shot. sometimes you just know things are right.

Greenpeace V: part 1

so i feel like i owe something in reflection of these past two weeks. and what better time for it than a 16 hr. van ride back to DC. cleaning out the hotel room this morning, being on the beach these past two full days, and just generally - people are so wasteful. it's on such a gigantic magnitude - and it's nearly inescapable as an American. at a hotel, everything is single-serivng; everything is temporary, transitory, with little regard for the future. i called the hotel's corporate office and left a message with my phone number asking about their recycling program (they don't have one). no one's called me back yet. it seems that we try so hard not to waste specific resources (i..e.time and money) but we end up wasting profusely in other areas. even we "environmentalists" are often too focused on other goals and we end up running the conversion van for 5 minutes not moving, run the air conditioning all day in an empty hotel room, taking 30 minute showers, spending $200 on clothes. we literally just passed what i suspect was a garbage dump. a swarm of seagulls larger than i've ever seen with hundreds of turkey vultures circled overhead.

i'm starting to realize that it's hard for people to respect the criticisms of someone also stuck in the same system ( i.e. not living any solutions). i'm beginning to feel disconnects within myself - hypocracies that i notice and need to fix within myself. i'm tired of being lax and letting the situation dictate the things which are important to me. it's like saying i might as well shave my legs because it's easier. i want to create situations (or find them) where it's easy to be me, where i'm not constantly swimming against the flow. we just drove by a giant plot of land with bare, exposed soil - a future subdivision.

i hate seeing animals and birds by the road. i hate to think they have to live next to us. i hate to think that i am to blame. i use these roads, i use the subdivisions, i use the garbage dumps. this is what i'm beginning to realize - that it's hard to respect a dissenter if he/she is part of and this encouraging the continuation of that system. this is the concretion of the thought that i've been having here a lot at greenpeace.

it's kind of summed up in one of the lunches i shared with one of the guys from the research team. he helped make a website which is basically a map of different oil companies, think tanks, individuals and their relations to the us gov't. we started admiring their efficiency and effectiveness (i.e. telling people that global warming / climate change isn't real) and at once strategizing. we wondered if theses institutions had training programs like ours. he said they probably did. we joked about one of us signing up for that program.

this is my point. for every one there is an equal and opposite. (newton) yin and yang. greenpeace exists as a response. it works in a system to negate its opposite. like chasing a shadow. but don't get me wrong - greenpeace serves and noble purpose and a lot of times does it in ways we haven't seen. with yin comes yang. i think greenpeace started off well, radically, showing people what they haven't seen - making waves. i think, now, in a lot of ways gp needs to step it up. i think the framework and intent are definitely there. still part of the system where [we] should be creating new systems. i think we need to continuously be improving, training people ot think outside the box. i probably think this way because iv'e heard the message so many times that i'm ready for the next step. repetition works insofar as it creates a space of monotony to be filled with creative solutions. i'm beginning to think this is one way to look at change - create the space and then give people the tools to fill it. (which is what someone at gp said about what gp does.)

hopefully this all isn't too abstract, detached, and philosophical to understand. creating these spaces seems really cool - providing opportunities. it's the fundamental underlyng principle in culture jamming and somewhere in the resolution of cognitive dissonance. this program's made a lot of spaces for me. a lot of spaces to get pissed off, to question, to propose creative, new solutions.

Greenpeace IV: part 3 - the Law of Halves

when we're petitioning we try to estimate the number of petitions in order to get a certain number of people ...say... to come to a meeting. you get 192 petitions signed - about half of those (96) will have phone numbers - about half of these numbers you'll be able to make contact with aperson (48) - of these, 24 will actionally talk to you. 12 people will say they'll come (to the meeitng). 6 will actually show up.

(ok, pause it. remember the scene in fight club where "jack" (ed norton) is on the plane telling an older woman the calculation that his insurance company uses to determine the safety rating of a car? (as we view a car that's been burnt to a crisp and listen to the workers joke about how the fat burned to the seat would be a good modern art exhibit...) "if a x b x c = x, and x is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one." (are there a lot of these kinds of accidents? // you wouldn't believe) and she's like 'what car company do you work for?' and he says "a major one." i feel kinda like that about this law of halves calculation. just to set the scene.)

that makes sense, right? i can get (at low estimates) about 15 petitions signed in an hour - so it would take 10 of us just over an hour to get 192. this system of numbers is one of the main things we base our days around. the law of halves is something we almost live by as organizers. //this// is why i don't want to be an organizer. 10 people just spent about an hour and a half talking to more than 200 people and we end up forging 6 relationships where people are interested in coming to a fun event with free food. we 'accost' people in the street, see if we can grab their interest with one line ( i.e. "got a second for the environment?" (which i've never used, because i don't think "the environment" exists like that. that's perhaps a longer story) or "have you / are you interested / heard of global warming?" "would you like to sign a petition?" (said as you offer them a clipboard), etc.), get them to sign a piece of paper while encouraging them to write their phone number and check the box that says "i'm interested in volunteering" while saying "don't worry, we won't contact you in any way unless you check that box" and bating them with credit from the volutneer office at their school (yeah, we actually hooked that up). there. that's what i do most of the day. then...after we get back to the hotel, we count up all the checked boxes (notice: checked boxes...these are our volunteer's phone numbers.), divide them up and everyone starts calling people to see if they'll volunteer (we call this phonebanking).

i realize i'm being cynical and overly negative about this stuff. perhaps a bit overdramatic about it with the fight club scene. i guess i should admit that i don't //completely// loathe it. we do reach a lot of people and at least share the idea of global warming with some people who have never heard about it. we are making progress with the candidates, too. ron klein (the democrat) finally said he'd agree to the waxman safe climate act, the "global warming legislation" currently up for disscusison. jon (our leader/teacher/etc) and jack also got interviewed by the media. (oh, and i'd also like to semi-reationalize my cynicism by saying that maybe it's just a misguided questioning of the status quo/system/the man)

Greenpeace IV: part 2

since when do we need anything plastic? since the marketing campaign? who runs these campaigns? what do they want from us? why do we listen to them? there was a guest speaker - we invited a professor - at our meeting last night - and she was really radical about endiong global warming. she said we never should buy another car, stop using plastic, become vegetarian, and only have 1 baby per person. i don't disagree with any of these - plus, she's bulidng an eco-community in belize - but she made me think about our completely unnecessary dependence on plastic, electricity, fossil fuels. yeah, we have those technologies, but they don't /need/ to be part of our everyday lives! also, during that meeting i talked to a guy who seemed to be buddhist or daoist, teaches qi gong and is raki certified. and he reminded me of some things i know but have been organizationally trained to forget or look past.